End of the Road?

So, I been in it for a minute; by that, I mean a year and "pocket change." It's been a wild and tumultuous road, and somehow I'm still going. They say, when you're going through hell to keep going. I can't say this is hell, but it's a journey I never had before. Never thought it would cost so much to keep from being alone and supposedly submit oneself to something greater: an intimate relationship, that is. I could say the road to Christianity and perfection is much the same. Loving God is easy; but submitting yourself to faith, loving your neighbor,  overcoming enemies, taking the moral road and seeing beyond what it looks like both changes you and challenges you. It's a fight with yourself to overcome limitations the world has set. And, in a great way, one takes those same skills of faith and belief with him in any battle, or challenge. In a way, it leaves me feeling like I'm heading to a "point-of-no-return." When has luck run out? Or, does one continue to hope? So, many misgivings: typical infidelity, disrespect, anger, domestic abuse, quarrels,  and misunderstandings. Then, the upside: money saved, comfort, dreams made and acquired, a stable home, friendship,  and relocation. And behind all of that, there's so many compromises and sacrifices made, that both define the relationship and causes it to operate. I feel an intimate, human connection is different,  in the sense that if one aspect falls through, the whole situation could fall through. And then, you can't trust the outcome or an individual's response to it. Something happens, in the relationship with Christ: you learn to simply wait to be moved by the Lord or wait for him to move. I guess, at the end of it all, if one has done all he knows to do as a man of God...then, all he can do is give the situation, back to God. Turn the situation around, by allowing faith and God to both support your fight but take control and demonstrate some truth. Sometimes, when one walks in faith, it can be challenging to tell what is of God and what is unlike God? What is the battle, and what is the lesson? I don't want to cop out, for often times I already feel like I've been through worse strife; so, what more could I not endure, if God is for me?! Still, I don't want to be näive to believe God will rescue me, when He didn't send me out "this far." No lie, I need to be saved. I make choices, in my life, I don't always know the outcome or the reason.  I truly need help to bare this life. I'm doing things and involved in situations,  I never thought I was equipped to manage, and so I worry, I get weary, and sometimes I feel and think I could be wrong, in my thought and understanding.  I only want to be the best version of myself; and, that includes not negating the socialization it takes to be a successful human being. I could ignore and resent people. But, that's no good; it's an easy out for one who is afraid of the world, and afraid of oneself, against the world. That's a weakness I've already overcome. So, I think that's why I keep going and going. I do believe God--my Father in heaven--is with me, that He alone can compel me to stay or go or become, in any situation.  And, so, I just stand to be corrected and stand to be a man and stand in authority. I can't be here in vain, for I'm still accomplishing and still learning and still looking towards and loving God, through it all. Be with me, now, Father, and make haste to my faith and my need for guidance,  in the midst of it. Show me what to make of the relationships I involve myself with most...my walk in Christian faith and my walk in building human intimacy. 🕯✝️✝️✝️ 🕯